Hilarious & True

A guy we go to church with got this forward from his brother in law...., It's hilarious.

Hi everyone,

This is the funniest thing I have seen in long time. My coworker actually received this invitation to a relative's 1 year old's birthday party, and it is not a joke. I know it is long, but worth the read! I have replaced the name of the author with "Jimbo" and removed phone number and email address just in case. Yes, this could only happen in Utah.

~Johnny

Welcome to Miley’s First Year Birthday Celebration!!
Saturday June 6th Schedule
5:00-6:00 Swimming and “Get to Know Miley” Games with Prizes
6:00-6:05 Blessing on the Food
6:05-6:45 Dinner (please RSVP with your menu choice, see fyi #3 below for details)
6:45-7:00 Sing Happy Birthday to Miley, Eat cake, open presents
7:00-7:30 Piñata and other games for children and Team Games for Adults
7:30-8:00 Roast marshmallows, Sing campfire songs
Thank you for coming!

FYI for Everyone.....
1. If you would like to swim for more than an hour please come early as we will be sticking strictly to this schedule.
2. Parents with small children should plan on helping them participate in the games, and please make sure you always know where your toddler is since the pool will be a danger to unsupervised little ones.
3. All food will be grilled at the same time so that we can eat together. If you will be eating with us, please RSVP with your menu choice so we can be sure your food gets prepared. Choices are: Hamburger, Breaded Chicken Patty, Chicken Breast, Hot Dog, and/or chicken nuggets (please specify how many you would like). Call or text message Jimbo at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email him at xxxxxx@yahoo.com with your menu choices by 10pm Monday, June 1st.
4. Ool Rules: Our ool has no “P” in it; we’d appreciate it if you’d keep it that way. Children who are not fully potty trained should wear appropriate swim wear to keep the ool safe for others. Children under 4’8” tall are required to wear floatation devices. Children under age eight require parental supervision while swimming. NO DIVING!! NO JUMPING!! NO SPLASHING OTHERS!! NO DUMPING OR SPLASHING WATER OUTSIDE OF THE OOL!! Please do not put anything in the ool that is not designated for ool and water use. Bring your own towel, sunblock and your own ool toys. Please explain these rules to your children before you allow them to swim since if they are caught breaking any of the rules they will lose their swimming privileges for the evening. We will assume that the rules have been explained so there will be no first or second chances. The first time someone is caught breaking the rules will be their last time for the rest of the evening. Pools can be dangerous so to keep it safe for them and others we have a no tolerance policy for rule breaking.
5. House Rules: Our house is not the newest house with all the fancy upgrades, but it is our home. Modern prophets compare the home to the temple so that we can know how sacred our homes are. We feel grateful to our Father in Heaven for blessing us with our house, and we ask that you treat it with respect. For example: Please, throw all trash in designated waste baskets. Please, no food or drink inside the house except in the kitchen area. Please, use quiet voices inside, and no running or rough housing indoors. Do not climb or jump on the furniture. Please, do not pick our flowers or cut branches off our bushes. Please, do not climb in the fruit trees. Please do not throw rocks or weeds into the fountain or pool. Please treat our animals with respect; do not enter the chicken house without permission. Obviously there are too many things to list all of them, so please use this motto as a rule of thumb “leave our house and yard just as you found them”. If a child is found being disrespectful to our property you should know that we just don’t have the money to keep repairing and replacing items. We will ask that you remove them from our property to sit in your family vehicle for a small amount of time depending on their age and the severity of their misconduct. Parents please explain these rules and the consequences to your children before you come to the party.
6. We understand the economy is rough; please don’t feel bad if you can not bring a gift. We would just really enjoy your company. To us your presence is the greatest present.

Jimbo